Pretty Perfect Platypus Palooza
Summary Hey, everyone! I am Snail in a Fedora and this is my first fanon! It's called 'Pretty Perfect Platypus Palooza. I hope you enjoy it! Chapter 1 It was 12:27 PM and 8 seconds. Precisely. It was a hot summer day. Phineas and Ferb lay under the tree with Perry. Phineas had something on his mind to say. “You know, Ferb,” he said, “Sometimes I think the reason Perry goes somewhere else every day is because he’s lonely. I mean, I know he’s got us, but maybe he needs a… A…” It suddenly came to him. “A PLATYPUS FRIEND! Perry needs another platypus to hang out with! We just need to find him another friend. That’s a platypus. But we need to put our heads together.” At that moment, Ferb put his head close to Phineas’s. “No, not literally, Ferb. It’s an expression. But let’s think: Where on this earth are platypuses most abundant?” “At a platypus petting zoo,” said Ferb. Phineas took it into account that this might only be the only thing Ferb says all day. “Do those even exist?” Ferb shrugged. “Eh, that’s enough information for me.” Phineas stood up proudly. “Ferb! I know what we’re going to do today! Hey, where’s Perry?” ______________________________________________________________ Perry slipped down a secret tube that was hidden under a floor panel. He landed in the familiar environment of his lair. At that moment, the TV turned on. “Good morning, Agent P,” said Monogram, “We’re not really sure what Doofenshmirtz is up to today, but we have caught him buying weird things off the Internet: A giant block of wood, a huge waffle, 15 feet wide plastic googly eyes, two hundred gallons of turquoise paint, and many other weird things. Including feet. Not real feet, but, you know. Wooden feet. You know, sometimes I wonder what kind of idiot he buys this stuff from. I mean, seriously, who would own a giant pair of feet?” Carl popped into the screen. “Actually, sir,” he said, “I myself have a pair of giant mechanical feet in my apartment.” “I know that, Carl. You also own a squirrel costume.” “OH, SURE! MAKE FUN OF THE GUY WHO OWNS A SQUIRREL COSTUME AND GOES TO SQUIRREL CONVENTIONS!” “Anyway, Agent P,” continued Monogram, “Get out there and STOP HIM!” Perry launched off with his jetpack, with the sound of his very own theme song playing from nowhere. “So Carl, why DO you own a pair of mechanical feet?” “I use them when I have broken feet. They walk for me!” “You know, most people just use crutches.” ______________________________________________________________ Candace Flynn sat down in the living room couch, watching Phineas and Ferb through the window. They weren’t doing much at this moment, they were just ringing up the pet store to see if there was anyone who had ever purchased a platypus from there. But Candace was still suspicious. Well, of course she was. Everything her brothers did made her suspicious. When they’re lying in bed. Suspicious. When they’re playing video games. Suspicious. When they’re discussing their favourite pizza toppings… Suspicious. Candace may not realise this, but she needs a rest. Or maybe a pill. “Candace,” said Linda, “I’m going to the pet store to get Perry some food. Try not to obsess over your brothers all day.” “But, mom!” said Candace, “I can’t resist it! Look at them! They’re plotting… Scheming…” “Candace, they’re talking on the phone.” “Yes, but they’re obviously looking for a store that will sell them parts to build a giant TV screen! Or a portal! Or a submarine that will go in my oesophagus” “Candace, you need to lay off the chocolate bars.” ______________________________________________________________ 'Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!' Perry had become so accustomed (and annoyed) to Doofenshmirtz’s evil jingle on the way to his lair. He busted through the door, crashing it down. “ARRRGH! Perry the Platypus, how many times have I told you not to bust down my door? You know, it’s bad enough that I have to deal with you coming here every day and, you know… Thwarting my plans… But now, because I have to keep repairing my door, I don’t even have enough money to buy parts for my Inators! I could barely even afford the price of that giant pair of feet, Perry the Bust-down-my-door-apus!” Doofenshmirtz then pulled a rope and a net suddenly popped up and trapped Perry in it. “Yeah, I know the net is such a cliché, but it’s so difficult to come up with original traps these days,” said Doofenshmirtz. “Anyway, you see, Perry the Platypus…” Perry immediately knew that this was gonna lead to one of Doofenshmirtz’s long, rambly talks. So, Perry got out his MP3 and started listening to Bowling For Soup. “So,” continued Doofenshmirtz, unaware Perry was not listening to him, “I really didn’t have any idea of what to do for today. I was going to build a huge machine that could control your mind so you could help me assist in my somewhat desperate dream to take over the Tri-State Area, but then I realised I had already done that before. Remember? We were at the junk-yard, at that party Vanessa was at, and I almost made you eat that gum off the sidewalk? Hahaha! Oh man, that was hilarious! Ha, oh man, good times. And then you went all kung-fu on me and kicked me off the side of that huge waste pile, and my hands got stuck on those vinyl discs? I still don’t know why you did that. But seriously, I decided to do a little searching around on the Internet for schemes that had already been thought of, and I came across this one to build a giant platypus that can get rid of every platypus in the Tri-State Area. If I do that, I can get rid of you and it’ll be so much easier to take over the Tri-State Area! So, behold… The Platypus-Stealer-Intaor! And it was so much easier, too. I didn’t have to do any planning, or scheming, everything was already done, because someone else had already invented it, so I just ordered all the stuff and VOILA! I built one! I know that technically counts as stealing someone’s idea, but, hello…? EVIL! Hey, you’re listening to the theme song! Oops, I just broke the fourth wall… But I still love that song! Surfing tidal waves, creating nanobots, or locating Frankenstein’s brai- HEY! You haven’t even been listening to me! Do you seriously want me to repeat everything AGAIN?” ______________________________________________________________ “PHINEAS AND FERB!” “Hi, Candace.” “What are you doing?” “We’re building a platypus petting zoo!” Phineas and Ferb had already ordered the four tons of platypus food, the tools and the bricks, now they were just building the 37 special houses that every platypus was going to live in. “Not on my watch, dweebs!” said Candace, “I’m calling mom!” Candace whipped out her cell phone and dialled her mom: Speed Dial 1. “Yes Candace…” Linda reluctantly answered. “Mom, Phineas and Ferb are building a platypus petting zoo, and they’ve got houses and like 36 platypuses here!” “37,” Phineas corrected her from across the garden. “WHATEVER!” “You know, Candace,” said Linda, “This is the 186th time that you’ve called me about Phineas and Ferb’s imaginary invention, and it’s the 168th time I’m not gonna believe you. So, here’s the thing, Candace, if I come home, and this invention’s not there, I’m taking away your cell phone for the rest of the summer.” “Sure thing, mom,” said a confident Candace, “Because, this time, it’s NOT going away!” “Yeah, that’s what you said about the space ship,” said Linda, “AND the huge building. AND the supercomputer. AND the rollercoaster. AND the second rollercoaster. And-“ “Okay, mom, I get it. I’ve called a lot. Bye!” Candace hung up and Linda sighed in relief. Linda out the platypus food on the desk. “Just this platypus food,” she said. “Last name?” asked the teller. “Flynn.” “Flynn?” asked the teller, “Are you perhaps the one who called here earlier ordering four tons of platypus food?” “What?” Chapter 2 “Ferb, where is that last truck?” asked Phineas. Just then, the truck pulled in. “Hey,” said the delivery guy, “We’ve got a truck full of live platypuses and platypus toys.” “Yep, that’s us!” said Phineas, with a smile. “Hey, aren’t you a little young to be ordering all these platypus-related items?” “Yes, yes I am,” said Phineas. The delivery guy shrugged. “Works for me.” Isabella, Buford, Baljeet and Irving entered the garden. “Hey, Phineas and Ferb!” said Isabella, “Whatcha doin’?” “We’re building Perry a platypus petting zoo so that he can interact with other platypuses!” “Okay, but where’s Perry?” asked Baljeet. “He already said that catchphrase earlier,” said Ferb. ______________________________________________________________ “-I know it seems like stealing, but it is evil, which is what I am. There, I explained the whole thing again, you got it now? Perry the bad-listener-pus? Now, I’m going to fire this thing up, so I’ll go around and steal all the platypuses. So long, sucker!” Doofenshmirtz''' '''drove off in his Inator, and Perry was easily able to escape his trap. It’s a good thing he decided to keep a pair of scissors under his fedora. ______________________________________________________________ Phineas and Ferb had now assembled all of the platypuses in the Tri-State Area, and where ready to show them to their houses. “Ladies and platypuses!” announced Phineas. “You callin’ me a platypus?” accused Buford. “May I now introduce to you… The platypus petting zoo! Every platypus gets their own twelve storey house, complete with bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, living room, basement, and all the things a normal twelve-storey five star mansion would have, except platypus sized! If you wanna interact outside of the houses, there’s also a platypus sized baseball field, a pool, complete with platypus sized goggles, which may or may not be necessary, since you are semi-aquatic, AND a platypus sized arena, where platypuses who have a special talent can put on a show!” “Sometimes I wonder how they fit all this stuff in their backyard,” Irving said to Isabella. “Anything can happen here,” she responded, “It’s a cartoon.” “You broke the fourth wall!” “So, go, platypuses!” encouraged Phineas, “Go meet your petting zoo!” However, the platypuses didn’t move a muscle. “Why aren’t they moving?” asked Baljeet. “Well, they are platypuses,” remarked Phineas, “They don’t do much.” Now what? “But I’m sure they’ll move once they know that there’s a meatball sandwich in every one of their fridges.” Suddenly, the platypuses bolted into their houses. ______________________________________________________________ “I said a bow-chicka-bow-wow, that’s what my baby said! Mow-mow-mow-“ Doofenshmirtz has an annoying habit of singing when he’s driving. Especially when driving a giant mechanical platypus. Perry suddenly punched a wall through the side of the machine and leaped onto Doofenshmirtz before he could get to the second verse. “Perry the platypus?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? OW, GET OFF MY FACE! OW! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS USE THE TAIL, I HATE THAT LITTLE BEAVER TAIL!” Doofenshmirtz managed to fling Perry the Platypus off him, and then he activated the machine. It started to rumble. “It’s working!” exclaimed Doofenshmirtz, “It’s functioning properly!” The machine folded away the legs, then took off into the air, and a giant tube on the bottom started sucking up all the platypuses around into the machine. “YES! IT’S HAPPENING!” ______________________________________________________________ Phineas and Ferb were having a ball watching the platypuses interact with each other. They had even learnt how to play baseball. “A platypus holding a baseball bat…” said Buford, “That’s just freaky.” “I just wish Perry would show up,” said Phineas. Candace peeked her head around the side of the fence and took in what she saw. “They are sooooo busted…” Just then, Linda pulled into the driveway. “MOM!” Candace rushed off to go get her mom. But, after she left, the machine passing over the sky sucked all the platypuses from the yard into the machine. “Look at all these platypuses I have now!” exclaimed Doofenshmirtz, “What could you POSSIBLY do to stop me now, Perry the No-help-for-you-apus?” Perry casually walked over to the front of the machine and pressed the big red ‘STOP’ button. “Well, you could do that…” said Doofenshmirtz. “I really need to rethink where I put my dials…” Suddenly, all the platypuses were blown out of the machine and back into the backyards of their rightful owners. And, of course, Perry managed to press Doofenshmirtz’s cliché ‘Self-Destruct’ button before his parachuted out the machine. “CURSE YOU, PERRY THE PLATYPUS!!!” ______________________________________________________________ “Well,” said Phineas, “I suppose, since we don’t have the platypuses, we don’t need the platypus entertainment.” With the press of a button, the whole backyard flipped over and every last trace of their day’s activity was erased. “See, mom! See?” “Candace, what am I looking at?” Candace opened her eyes to find the familiar environment of an empty backyard. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” “Okay, Candace,” said Linda, “Give me your phone.” Candace gave her phone to Linda, knowing she won’t see it for the rest of the summer. But after Linda walked off, she muttered to herself, “I have a back-up phone hidden under my bed, anyway.” Just as the kids went inside, Perry showed up. “Oh, there you are, Perry!” Nothing says Awesomely Edited like a snail in a fedora! (talk) 16:09, July 22, 2012 (UTC) Category:Fanon Works Category:Episodes Category:Platypus